A baby shower should be a relaxed afternoon where the parent-to-be feels looked after, not another job on an already long list. The trouble is that someone has to organise it, and there's a surprising amount of etiquette wrapped up in who that someone should be, when it happens and how gifts are handled.

This guide covers the decisions to make first, the bits that tend to cause awkwardness, and a week-by-week checklist so nothing lands at the last minute.

Who hosts?

Traditionally a baby shower was hosted by a close friend rather than family, so it didn't look like the family was asking for gifts. These days that rule has relaxed almost completely. A best friend, a sister, a mum, a mother-in-law, a group of colleagues or the parent-to-be themselves can all host, and nobody will blink.

What matters more is that the host is someone organised who knows the parent-to-be well enough to get the tone right. If two people want to host, let them co-host. Splitting the jobs (one does invitations and RSVPs, one does food and decorations) works well.

Whoever hosts, ask the parent-to-be what they want. Some love the idea of games and a big gathering. Others would far rather have a quiet afternoon tea with six friends. A surprise baby shower is rarely a good idea; pregnancy is tiring enough without being ambushed.

When to hold it

Most showers take place somewhere between around 28 and 36 weeks of pregnancy. That's late enough that the pregnancy feels well established and the parent-to-be knows what they need, and early enough that they're still comfortable and unlikely to go into labour mid-cake.

Think about:

The guest list

The guest list belongs to the parent-to-be. The host can suggest names, but they should approve the final list. A few practical points:

Games: yes, no or a few?

Baby shower games divide opinion. Some guests love them; others dread them. The safest approach is a couple of light, optional activities rather than a full programme. Good ones include:

Skip anything that involves measuring the parent-to-be's bump in front of everyone unless you're very sure they'll find it funny.

Food and drink

A shower is usually an afternoon event, so think afternoon tea rather than a three-course meal: sandwiches, savoury bites, scones, a cake and plenty of fruit. Make sure there's a good range of alcohol-free drinks that feel like a treat, not just squash. A mocktail or something sparkling makes the parent-to-be feel included.

Bear in mind the usual pregnancy food advice. Avoid serving the parent-to-be things they've been told to steer clear of, such as some soft and blue cheeses, raw or undercooked eggs, pâté and raw fish, and label dishes clearly. Ask guests about dietary needs and allergies when they reply. UK food law lists 14 major allergens, and anyone preparing food for a group should know which dishes contain them.

Gifts and registry etiquette

This is where things can get awkward, so handle it gently.

Whoever is keeping track of who gave what, write it down on the day. The new parents will want to send thank-you notes and they won't remember in six weeks' time.

A week-by-week checklist

6–8 weeks before

5–6 weeks before

3–4 weeks before

2 weeks before

The week of the shower

On the day

If you'd like the invitations, RSVPs, dietary needs and gift list details all in one link, you can build a shower page on Every Gathering for free, and guests can upload their photos there afterwards too.

One last thing

The parent-to-be will not remember whether the bunting matched the napkins. They'll remember feeling celebrated by people they love, at a time when life is about to change completely. Keep it short, keep it kind, and make sure someone else does the washing up.